at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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