Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
