It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
