Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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