VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
3 2 1 whiskey
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
