Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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