I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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