Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
