dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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