feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
