I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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