DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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