we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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