That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
