wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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