Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
