I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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