woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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