he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
