I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
