No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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