I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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