Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
