Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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