Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
