I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
