i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
