Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
