I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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