You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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