hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
