matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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