Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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