i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
