i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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