I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
