i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
