He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
