Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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