My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
