I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my poor anus
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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