East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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