Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
