I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
