some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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