but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
