areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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