I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
