yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
