to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
