i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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