I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
