I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
