Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
