How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We left the knife in your bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
