i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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