In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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