I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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