you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
