I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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