just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
