hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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