so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think your dad took our porno
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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