I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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