my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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