You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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