So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He passed out mid-signature
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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