k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
