I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
