I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize