Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
