the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize