i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
