she looked like the before picture.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
