just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
