Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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