thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
