Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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