Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
