walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
