So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
