can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
