just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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