My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
