I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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