Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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