so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
