Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
