I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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