im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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