I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
