You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
