Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
