i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
