The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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