Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Panties = found
Randomize
