i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
