Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
