i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
