WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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