i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
