Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
