then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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