My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
bring money and cleavage
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
