my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
